Scorp's World: 2010

On my way home from work that Friday night, I thought of a million different ways to ask Edward to call off his special anniversary surprise. I was exhausted and in no mood to celebrate.

The minute I walked into the apartment and saw his smiling face though, I knew I couldn’t do it. He just looked so…happy. There was no way I could be selfish enough to be the one to wipe the smile from his lips. I would suck it up and be happy for whatever he had planned, no matter how tired and out of sorts I was.

Then I’d come home and go right to bed.

It was hard to keep my composure when I realized we weren’t just going to dinner – although, with Edward, I should’ve known better. When he suggested I change my clothes, I held my tongue. When we got in the car and he refused to say a word about where we were headed, I huffed – but said nothing.

It wasn’t until he pulled into the McDonald’s Drive-Thru that I lost it.

I waited until he ordered – for both of us because I was afraid to open my mouth for fear I’d rip him a new one – and pulled into a parking spot before I let him have it.

“Are you kidding me, Cullen? McDonald’s? Excuse me, but what the hell?”

Instead of answering me, he handed me my box of French fries.

Oh. No. He. Didn’t.

I think he could see the steam coming out of my ears at this point. My jaw was clenched and I was ready to kick his ass out of the car and leave him there.

“Baby, this isn’t your surprise. I just figured you’d be hungry and I didn’t want to get too far before I fed you.”

“Am I now your dog, Cullen? You had to feed me?”

Edward’s eyes widened and I think he looked a little scared of me. “No, no! That’s not what I meant. We just have a long drive ahead of us and I wanted to make sure you were comfortable. I’m not sure how many places along the way we’d have to stop and eat.”

I grabbed the fries from his hand. I was hungry, but he didn’t need to know that. “Do you mind telling me where we’re going?”

“Yes, actually I do.” Edward’s calm just served to stoke my anger.

“Edward! If I’m going to be riding in a car for a 'long drive' than I’d sure as hell like to know where I’m going to be at the end of that drive!”

He shook his head. “Sorry, love, it’s a surprise.”

I flopped back into the seat, irritated beyond belief at this point. I began eating, anger coloring every one of my movements. Edward seemed oblivious, chewing away on his own meal and making small talk. I thought about giving him the silent treatment, but decided that would be decidedly childish of me and probably wouldn’t get me what I wanted anyway. I answered him, but it wasn’t without annoyance.

Once we finished eating, we got back on the road. Between Edward’s soothing, velvet voice and the soft melody on the radio, it didn’t take long for my fatigue to over take me. I fell asleep easily.

I woke up to feeling Edward’s lips on mine.

“We’re here, love.”

It was too dark to see much, but I could make out the wood and glass of the hotel surrounded by twinkling lights. My nap had helped with my tiredness and I was wide-awake as Edward drew me out of the car and led me inside. I took in what I could as we made our way to the suite. My eyes widened in surprise as we entered. To my right was the bedroom – the king sized bed covered with rose petals – and bathroom. The bathroom had a huge tub and a separate shower, with plenty of room for two. I wandered back into the bedroom and through to the small sitting area with recliners in front of the fireplace. My gaze was quickly drawn to the patio outside that overlooked what I’m fairly certain was the ocean, although it was hard to tell in the darkness.

I hadn’t been outside long when I felt Edward come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. We stood there in the silence for a little while, basking in the cool night air.

A few minutes later, Edward led me back inside and tried to start a fire for us to enjoy. It was almost comical to watch him get frustrated and flustered over the workings of the fireplace. I finally took pity on him and put him out of his misery by starting the fire myself.

Men.

The weekend was everything I never knew I wanted or needed. Edward was so attentive and loving, just the way he looked at me was enough to make my heart sing. Our trip to the Gardens had been amazing, and I mentioned the two of us coming back in the summer when we could thoroughly enjoy all the blooms. Coming in mid-February was nice, but I could only imagine the beauty that would surround us if we returned in the spring.

Lying in bed with him, wrapped up tight in his arms when we got back to the hotel, I had never felt happier or more at peace. It had been so long since I had ever felt this way…I’m not sure I had ever felt this way, honestly. I thought I loved Joe once upon a time, but being with Edward just proved how wrong I was. What I had with Joe had been fine, but there was always something missing – except I hadn’t known what was missing until I met Edward. If Joe hadn't left me, I probably would’ve gone on with my life and married him, never knowing what it meant to really be in love.

I was in love with Edward. There was no doubt in my mind just how much I loved him. He made me feel safe and happy. When I was with him – and even when I wasn’t – there was a contentment inside of me I hadn’t felt in six months. Just the thought of him holding me, being there for me, gave me the strength to go on with my day. There were times when all I wanted to do was hide and sleep, to ignore the world and all my responsibilities in it. Nothing mattered but getting away from it all and not feeling for a while. With Edward though, it was easier to breathe. It was easier to come out of my shell and face everything.

Well, almost everything.

I hadn’t told him I loved him yet. I don’t know what I was afraid of – okay, rejection – and yet, not really. I knew he cared about me at the very least; he showed it in his every action toward me, the way he looked at me, the way he held me.

But those words.

I. Love. You.

They scared the hell out of me.

All of these thoughts were running through my head at a million miles an hour when I heard him say them.

“I love you.”

It took me a full minute to move. I just lay there, basking in the words, and more importantly, the feelings behind them. This wasn’t just an expression that he threw out there because he felt like he had to say it; he had wanted and needed to say it.

Those words gave me the strength to tell him how I felt.

“Edward, I love you, too.”

It was bliss. It was comfort. It was excitement. It was warmth. It was…love.

There was a moment when I wondered if I was dreaming it all and I needed reassurance that this was real, that he was real and he truly loved me. It was probably unfair of me, to saddle Edward with my insecurities and neediness, but I needed to see his face and hear the words that he really meant it.

And he did.

The next few hours were amazing, just basking in the warmth and happiness of our shared love. I don’t remember much of dinner, but I do remember the smile that was on his face. I have no doubt it matched mine.

I also remember the walk back to our room when I decided that tonight would be the night. I was ready – both in heart, mind and soul – to finally make love with Edward. I’m not sure if it was his declaration or just the overwhelming need to finally show him just how much I loved him, but either way, I wanted him in every single way I could have him.

Alice had packed me a sexy, black lace baby doll that, when I first saw it, I had no intention of wearing. After all that had happened earlier though, I saw no reason to not lay bare everything to Edward.

Considering the expression on his face when I walked out of the bathroom, I made the right decision.

Our lovemaking was hot, sensual and loving. I had never felt so much pleasure or love with someone else. I'd had a few partners in college,and obviously had spent many years with Joe, so I knew what I liked. Edward seemed to be able to reach inside of me and understand exactly what I needed and wanted to drive me to my highest pleasure. Our movements seemed almost choreographed. Making love with Edward just cemented even further how much I loved, wanted and needed him.

Being with Edward away from all our obligations and interruptions was absolutely blissful. It was wonderful to be able to sleep in his arms all night, never wondering if a Cullen sibling would open the door and wake us up – something Emmett had done on more than one occasion. Alice wasn’t nearly as rude, but there were times like I felt like we were tiptoeing around the apartment, trying not to get in each other’s way. It wasn’t that things were awkward between us, but I could tell she didn’t always know what to do when Edward and I were both there. She didn’t want to be in our way, but she didn’t want to be left out either. We were walking a tightrope and I wasn’t sure how much longer we’d be able to balance without falling.

Needless to say, being able to spend time away from them was a welcome change.

Leaving the resort was bittersweet. The thought of returning to the real world was depressing. I loved the little cocoon Edward and I created in Canada and I really, really didn’t want to go back to Seattle and face…everything. It didn’t help that there was a feeling of dread that seemed to be overtaking both of us.

The feeling continued throughout the week. Edward seemed distracted and jumpy, almost as if he was waiting for the boogeyman to jump out of a closet and tackle him. I was picking up on his mood and Alice’s, who was out of her mind with nerves since her shop was scheduled to open in just a few days. Our entire apartment was one big tension box and I wondered when it would finally blow.

When it did, it came in a way I never would have expected.

I wrote a one shot! Well, it's 43 pages in a Word doc and that might be too long for an o/s, so maybe it'll end up being a two shot or more.

I put a lot of heart and soul into this o/s, and it has become my new "baby." BfL Browns has been begging me to continue it, but that won't happen until "After All" is finished. Browns had first (and will have last) crack at it, and it's been through a few different betas at PTB. It's off to a few other people at this point as well, who are looking it over for consistency and flow. When they're done it'll probably be posted.

Just to give you a taste, here's a bit of a teaser...

I hadn’t meant to fall in love with Bella, but it happened anyway.

I wasn’t expecting it. Falling in love with her turned my life upside down, in both good and bad ways. It showed me what true love and passion could be like. I felt alive when I was with her. Life made sense with Bella, and nothing had ever felt so right.

Or so wrong…

I knew if I had told Angela, she would have forgiven me, and maybe even given me her blessing. However, admitting to my wife that I had fallen in love with another woman was unthinkable to me. I knew it would destroy her, and I couldn’t do that to her or to our marriage. Angela had been my best friend for more than twenty years, and you don’t just walk away from that, no matter how right something else might feel.

Keep an eye out for it and let me know what you think!